Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
