i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
