The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What a dumb baby whore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
