I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
