I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
