we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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