I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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