She said her name was "party"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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