Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
