Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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