Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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