this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
