Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
3pm strippers are depressing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
