Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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