the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
