A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
