i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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