Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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