Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
