There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
