now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
