Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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