dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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