me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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