What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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