Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i will never coherently bang her
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
