What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
