ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
birth control should be required to get into college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
