Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
