I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
