she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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