I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
