Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
