allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dignity is for republicans.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
