Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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