Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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