Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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