why didn't you poke me back
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That accounts for only three of the penises
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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