Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
