my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
