Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
