I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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