Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
