I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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