I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i came on her dog
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
