White coat. Heels.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
