You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sober January is a disaster.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am naked and annoyed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
