remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life is pants optional.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
