Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You've changed since you got that strap on
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
