i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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