Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We are two peas in an std pod
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
