MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
