If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
