Umm I'm too high to move.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
