On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
