is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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