Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
