So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
