I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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