dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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