his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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