I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
