imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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