i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
