Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
