Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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