he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
