Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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