kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
