Do you still have your period?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize