dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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