Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
