But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
